{"id":70,"date":"2006-08-16T19:36:13","date_gmt":"2006-08-16T18:36:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tricker.cz\/?p=70&f=buh-vs-satan"},"modified":"2006-08-16T19:36:13","modified_gmt":"2006-08-16T18:36:13","slug":"buh-vs-satan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/?p=70","title":{"rendered":"B\u016fh vs. Satan"},"content":{"rendered":"
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 Bohu\u017eel nejsem autorem n\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00edho textu a jeho zdroj se mi nepoda\u0159ilo vyp\u00e1trat (p\u0159i\u0161el mi na e-mail).<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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Na po\u010d\u00e1tku pokryl B\u016fh zemi brokolic\u00ed, kv\u011bt\u00e1kem a \u0161pen\u00e1tem, zelenou a \u017elutou a \u010dervenou zeleninou v\u0161eho druhu, aby mu\u017e a \u017eena mohli \u017e\u00edti dlouho a zdrav\u011b. A Satan stvo\u0159il Algidu a Rafaelo. A zeptal se: „je\u0161t\u011b p\u00e1r hork\u00fdch vi\u0161n\u00ed k t\u00e9 zmrzlin\u011b?“ A mu\u017e odpov\u011bd\u011bl „ano, r\u00e1d“ a \u017eena poznamenala: “Mn\u011b pros\u00edm je\u0161t\u011b horkou vafli se \u0161leha\u010dkou .“ A tak ka\u017ed\u00fd nabrali 5 kilo. <\/div>\n
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A B\u016fh stvo\u0159il jogurt, aby si \u017eena mohla uchovat figuru, kter\u00e1 se mu\u017ei tak l\u00edbila. A Satan vytvo\u0159il z p\u0161enice b\u00edlou mouku a z \u0159epy cukr a zkombinoval je. A \u017eena zm\u011bnila svou konfek\u010dn\u00ed velikost z 38 na 46. I \u0159ekl Hospodin: „zkuste m\u016fj \u010derstv\u00fd okurkov\u00fd sal\u00e1t.“ A \u00c4\u017d\u00e1bel k tomu stvo\u0159il dressing a \u010desnekov\u00fd toast jako p\u0159\u00edlohu. A mu\u017eov\u00e9 a \u017eeny si po tomto po\u017eitku povolili p\u00e1sky alespo\u0148 o jednu d\u00edrku.<\/div>\n
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B\u016fh ale vyhl\u00e1sil: „Dal jsem v\u00e1m p\u0159ece \u010derstvou zeleninu a olivov\u00fd olej na ni!“ A Satan vytvo\u0159il mal\u00e9 brio\u0161ky a Camembert, humrov\u00e9 chleb\u00ed\u010dky a ku\u0159ec\u00ed prs\u00ed\u010dka na m\u00e1sle, k \u010demu\u017e bylo ji\u017e t\u0159eba druh\u00e9ho tal\u00ed\u0159e. A hladina cholesterolu lidstva stoupala k nebes\u016fm. Tak Hospodin stvo\u0159il b\u011b\u017eeck\u00e9 boty, aby jeho d\u011bti ztratili n\u011bjak\u00e9 to kilo. A Satan stvo\u0159il kabelovou televizi s d\u00e1lkov\u00fdm ovl\u00e1d\u00e1n\u00edm, aby se \u010dlov\u011bk nemusel obt\u011b\u017eovat s p\u0159ep\u00edn\u00e1n\u00edm. A mu\u017eov\u00e9 a \u017eeny se sm\u00e1li a plakali p\u0159ed blikaj\u00edc\u00ed obrazovkou a po\u010dali se od\u00edvati do stre\u010dov\u00fdch joggingov\u00fdch dres\u016f.<\/div>\n
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Nato B\u016fh stvo\u0159il brambory, s n\u00edzk\u00fdm obsahem tuku a bohat\u00e9 na drasl\u00edk a dal\u0161\u00ed cenn\u00e9 l\u00e1tky. A Satan odstranil zdravou slupku a vnit\u0159ek rozd\u011blil na pl\u00e1tky, kter\u00e9 pak sma\u017eil ve zv\u00ed\u0159ec\u00edm tuku a popr\u00e1\u0161il pak spoustou soli. A \u010dlov\u011bk z\u00edskal dal\u0161\u00edch p\u00e1r kilo. Pak Hospodin vynalezl libov\u00e9 maso, aby jeho d\u011bti nemusely zpracov\u00e1vat tolik kalori\u00ed, a p\u0159itom aby se zasytily. A \u010f\u00e1bel stvo\u0159il McDonalds a Cheeseburger za 99 cent\u016f. A pak se Lucifer zeptal: „Hranolky?“ A \u010dlov\u011bk odpov\u011bd\u011bl: „Jasn\u011b – extra velkou porci s majon\u00e9zou!“ A \u010dert \u0159ekl: „tak to m\u00e1 b\u00fdt.“ <\/div>\n
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A \u010dlov\u011bk utrp\u011bl srde\u010dn\u00ed infarkt. B\u016fh si povzdychl a stvo\u0159il \u010dty\u0159n\u00e1sobn\u00fd bypas. A Satan vynalezl st\u00e1tn\u00ed zdravotn\u00ed poji\u0161t\u011bn\u00ed.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

 Bohu\u017eel nejsem autorem n\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00edho textu a jeho zdroj se mi nepoda\u0159ilo vyp\u00e1trat (p\u0159i\u0161el mi na e-mail).   Na po\u010d\u00e1tku pokryl B\u016fh zemi brokolic\u00ed, kv\u011bt\u00e1kem a \u0161pen\u00e1tem, zelenou a \u017elutou a \u010dervenou zeleninou v\u0161eho druhu, aby mu\u017e a \u017eena mohli \u017e\u00edti… Pokra\u010dovat ve \u010dten\u00ed →<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=70"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/70\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=70"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=70"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tricker.cz\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=70"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}